Who was the idiot who first uttered those famous words, "It's so HARD to say you're sorry?" I've heard that my entire life, and I suppose in a few instances it might be right. However, the vast majority of the time, I have absolutely NO problem saying I'm sorry to anyone and everyone (well, except, maybe, to the Husband). I often find myself even apologizing for things that are equivocally NOT my fault, like the weather, politics, and the general state-of-the-world at any given moment. Nope. Apologizing is NOT a problem for me. EXCEPT, that is, when it comes to apologizing to myself. Therein lies the crux of our problem as the female species, I think.
As women we have such high expectations of ourselves to always be the very best, the most prepared, and the most organized individuals that when we come up short (in our own eyes, of course), we refuse to cut ourselves a break and just say, "Hey, I'm sorry it didn't work out this time. We'll get it next go 'round." You didn't get the laundry done over the weekend? Unacceptable! You missed your child's first grade show-and-tell during the middle of the day? Horrible mother! You were just too tired at the end of the day to get in that 4-miler you really needed to do? Underachiever! Do you get where I'm going?
Over the course of the last few weeks, I've had quite a few of those "life events" poking at me from every angle, gouging out the time I've always managed to keep sacred for my daily workouts. Honestly, over the past six years, I can count on one hand the times I've had to really put my training on hold because of LIFE. You know, all caps, not just the everyday monotony of it. I've had some career-related issues, a vacation, family visiting from out-of-town, an ankle injury, and a pretty terrible chest cold. All of these things compounded during a two-week span was just too much to overcome with sheer willpower. However, the enormity of what's been going on lately did not seem to give me a short respite from berating myself for not being able to put it all aside to still get in my 1-2 hour daily workouts in preparation for my upcoming triathlon. I have been, like so many of you, unable to give myself a break and just say, "Sorry."
What if, instead of constantly berating ourselves for being less than the perfect human being in every facet our our lives, we just admit that sometimes, saying, "I'm sorry I didn't get that done today," is perfectly justifiable and possibly even healthy in the bigger scheme of things? Of course, there is that slippery-slope to general shabbiness and slothfulness if you let yourself off the proverbial hook each and every day. However, allowing yourself to embrace the honesty of life every once in a while when it squeezes in from every direction and overwhelms you isn't failure. It's being real. And it's absolutely normal.
I'm learning to embrace being more sensitive to myself and allowing myself a little more rope when life gets a little hairy. Often it's hard for me to realize that missing one (or two, or maybe even three) workout is not going to cause me to become a sloppy, overweight, unfit individual. I fought too hard to let that happen, and it's not going to happen overnight. Just as being a healthy, active, and fit individual is a lifestyle choice that we commit to, so is being the exact opposite. A few days of being more gentle and caring with myself isn't going to flip my script totally. I really do believe that after these past few weeks.
So, the next time life crowds in and you see that free hour you'd reserved for your daily workout scuttling away, don't panic. Take a deep breath, and say to yourself, "I'm sorry. I truly wish things were different today, but they are not. And it's okay." That, my friend, is keeping it real.
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