I had no idea what it would take to stir my soul so thoroughly, alter my life so much as to move me to return to this blog and put thoughts to screen again after the loss of my father nearly five months ago. I haven't wanted to talk about trivial things like my running and training. It all seemed so inconsequential. So pointless. So I didn't write. I didn't journal. I didn't blog.
But I ran....
And I ran...
And this week something important enough happened to make me realize that this blog isn't just about me and my pointless ramblings about my running. Another event of great loss and tragedy. Not just to me this time, but to the entire community of runners that I consider to be a huge extension of my own small family. A community of people who welcomed me with open arms when I didn't really look like one of them and held me firmly through the past several years. Through so many race mornings and Finish Lines with family and friends. Even through those Finish Lines that held more pain and disappointment than joy and elation. No matter the results, the Finish Line is the goal for everyone as either a symbol of completion of a goal for which they've been striving or as a place of celebration of the achievements of those you love.
This week, two monsters stole that Finish Line from my brothers and sisters. They commandeered it for evil, hate, and destruction. They inflicted their hate and vitriol upon not just the community of runners and their biggest fans, but upon the entire fabric of our lives as Americans.
Since that moment I have been engulfed in the news about that day, about those injured, about those killed, and about the hunt for these Evil Monsters. I can't get the images out of my head.
I know that life throws these things at us. Things so totally from left-field that we have no choice but closely examine our values and beliefs. Things that make us stop and examine what we do every day. What WOULD I have done if I had been there? We all have been at exactly that same spot....standing at Mile 26, cheering on our friends and loved ones as they expend their last bit of energy as they hurtle all-out toward the Finish Line. This story moved me beyond words (Victim IDs Attacker). What would I have done? Would I have thought twice about someone dropping a bag at my feet?
In fact, I am CERTAIN I wouldn't have suspected for a moment that anything was amiss. To be brutally honest, I would have probably told him I'd keep an eye on it for him. Because that is how we are. We are trusting, honest, helpful people. Yes, most of us are. And it's our human nature to expect others to be honest and helpful people, too. And therein...in this time in...this world... lies the proverbial problem. Some people aren't. Evil exists. And sometimes it encompasses all of us and takes us hostage.
As I sit here, just four days later, and listen to the the final showdown that is inevitable as law enforcement closes in on the final Evil Monster, my heart is simply sad. I'm so very discouraged that we live in a world where we are scared to leave our homes. Where a city like Boston is held in total lockdown, at the mercy of crazed individuals. Where we can no longer feel safe going about our daily lives...with being Americans. Sadder still to say that it's events just like this that factor heavily on my decision to not have children. I cannot fathom this world in another 10 years. How many more Evil Monsters will be here then?
But I know how to run with a sad heart. I've been doing it for the past five months, and I guess I will keep doing it for much longer. I'll keep running because that is what we do as runners. Scared. Sad. Somber. We run. And we will race. I've never run Boston and I never will, but I will run FOR Boston. I ran for Boston the day it happened. I will run for Boston...and for all of those so gravely affected by the events there on 4-15-13....every time I lace up my trainers.
There will be new Finish Lines. Sure, they will look different. They will feel different. But there will be more. Because, that's what we do. We train. We adapt. We finish. Evil Monsters be damned.
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